My Name is Bruce Review
Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter


Bruce Campbell is a legend in his own right. I have friends that waited for him to come out of his autograph signing in Comic Con just so he could do the intro to their new album. Evil Dead and all that followed the cult icon solidified the legacy of one Bruce Campbell to live in the hearts of horror goers forever. Lets give Bubba Hotep it's due for being the most anticipated let down in straight to dvd history. What to think of anything Bruce wants to do in the future one must be very cautious. So i downloaded this hot commodity and immediately i felt the Briscoe County slapstick vibe going in full effect. It didn't matter i knew this was a limited release so i wasn't expecting too much. I was surprised that they didn't rustle up any big names to help push the movie guess they thought campbell would do well on it's on. I have not checked any figures but i know the blockbuster previously viewed area is hosting a nice little amount of the said film. Oh well lets talk about this film shall we.
So Campbell is playing himself. Low down hollywood bum who can't land a non B part if his life depended on it. He owes money for bills , debts hookers and all and he occupies his free time with booze and bad script news. Just when all this bad luck is going on in his life, one of his number one fans small town is being attacked by a ancient chinese slave demon that is looking for revenge for the people killed in the minds looking for gold. The young fan comes up with a plan to convince his hero to help his village fight the evil spirit that happens to be allergic to bean curd. Of course Bruce think the kid is joking but when he finds out there is money involved he is willing to go and at least make a laugh out of it. When he gets to the town he soon realizes this thing is no joke and the demon likes to cut off peoples heads. So Bruce being the **** he is in real life runs the hell out of there and gets as far away from the town as he can. The villagers are upset but didn't expect much from Bruce anyway. He has a revelation and decided to to come back and try to save the day. A bunch of one liners, silly jokes little boob flare and good ole fashion gore made this movie watchable for one reason only, Evil Dead. I know you watch these movies for the same reason I do people hoping one day that magic will return on screen but it won't so do fret people just keep renting whatever this guys does and cheer for him when he makes small appearance on huge films.
Just wait for it on Sci Fi
4/10

Donkey Punch Review
Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter

OK, now there is a thin line in the horror world between sex and gore. I personally am all for it. I've never really been attracted to just T&A in films unless it was hard bodies or something like that but I think its for sure necessary in slasher flicks to have some ripe young couple having sex see some **** then enter the boogeyman. But, what about a movie involving a sexual act killing someone. Hows that for horror fun? How about no fun at all. Thats what I got out of our little film here let me tell you about it.
So a couple of sluts are out on vacation and they run across a couple blokes (it's a British film) that are also out partying. They tell the ladies they are sailors and they are wanting them to come back for some fun under the sun. Of course the girls agree except for one but they convince her to come aboard when she sees their first captain and thinks he's pretty good looking. So all aboard they go and they are doing what your typical adolescents do, drinking , doing drugs, and heating each other up talking about sex. They start mentioning positions and what not when one of the wankers talks about the Donkey Punch. Not to be confused with DP of Aqua teen hunger force. This is when you are hitting it from the back and right before the man comes he punches the girl in the back of the neck. Myth has it that it's a climax the girl will never forget. Man they aren't lying. So the kids drop some E finish off their drinks then it's time for some action. The **** of the crew doesn't join because she is making eyes at co captain sailor boy and the other 2 head downstairs with the rest of the 3 guys to get a little nasty. Thats when things start to pick up. One guys is fucking one of the sluts while the other 2 are tag teaming the other. When one guys pops behind for doggystyle he gives the nod that he about to **** and the guy videotaping is urging him to do it. Of course this guy is the weakest link and he does and he punches the **** out the girl and she dies instantly. Everyone freaks out party is over and who's got the next best seller on youtube? The blokes do thats who and these winy little girls who just lost their friends can't do anything about or can they. So this is when the movie gets extremely boring as sides are chosen allies are made and lost and only few survivors remain. It was definitely more of a suspense thriller than a horror movie and all the deaths instead of the donkey punch was cheap. You get a feel during the movie that the directors and writers may have had a unique idea, but they ran out of them as production went along. The movie just dragged and the whole time you are watching it you want them to kill these bitches and get it over with. But thats what movies are for right. I'll tell you one thing I'm on the hunt for some authentic Donkey Punch films to see what really happens because believe me I think these guys got a little out of hand with it. I'll give them a little for kinda being original but I will for sure stay away from any movies called dirty sanchez!
2/10

Quarantine Review
Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter

Shaky camera shaky camera is all I’ve been hearing for the past couple days. Finally I got to experience it for myself. I never saw the original film Rec, but I hear it was pretty damn good. Usually when an American company takes on a foreign film they go over board and focus more on big blockbuster effects then keeping the true nature of the story. One of the reasons I was anxious to see Quarantine was because when you think of the premise, a TV reporter follows local firefighters for the night and they go to an apartment building filled with zombies, really how far can you stray from that? The movie stars the sister of Dexter miss exorcism of Emily Rose herself Jennifer Carpenter, who I didn’t know is actually dating the guy that plays Dexter on the show. Anyway Eli Roth’s buddy Jay Hernandez is in the film, and he is one of the firefighters she is following and it just seems to be a routine call until they get there. Supposedly there is an old lady that screamed from her apartment and all the neighbors (rightfully so) are concerned. There is a lot of commotion at the building and when they get to the apartment the lady seems disoriented and foaming at the mouth. After repeated attempts to get information from her she attacks one of the police officers. Then all hell breaks loose as everyone freaks out and one by one tenants start showing signs of a sickness that’s looks very familiar. Lets just say if you ever find out you have it you get a bunch of shots to the stomach. The plot thickens, as it seems as if they have locked the doors from the outside and they are not letting anyone in or out. Not one time during the film was I worrying about character development or acting issues I think everyone did a great job in the film. The whole time you are watching the film you believe that you are the camera man which is far different from a movie like Cloverfield or Blair Witch that screams for you to tell them to put the damn camera down so we can see what the **** is going on. Not to take anything away from 1-18-08 but these guys did a better job of making you feel like you are there. Let me tell you this, be lucky you were not because everything goes to **** once this bitten bodies decide to get up and come after you. Very entertaining and there is a scene that would make anyone jump out there seat. The gore is there, the jump scenes are there and since they can’t leave the building you know the body count is there. Movies like this are intense because it scares you that with the world we live in nowadays some of this **** may one day happened. Just make sure you live in a house instead of an apartment building! Go see it.
7/10

Cruel World Review
Reviewed by Nyquill of The Gutter


God I love Jamie Lee Presley. I’m not really into to blondes but I swear if I was a redneck hick she would be my wet dream every night when I went to sleep. I don’t know what is but she is just so dirty on screen with that heavy southern accent and that toned body. She keeps aging and keeps looking better and better. Now here is the second part. God I hate Edward Furlong. I mean this kid got so much hype as the next big whatever after he did Terminator 2 that I don’t think you can name one movie he was actually good in afterwards. Pet cemetery 2 would have been a perfect opportunity for him to stake his claim and go on to greatness, but a bad storyline and a lot of bad acting from all actors just really hurt that case. So he moves on to films like Pecker and so forth and man I mean it’s just all downhill from there. So how do I feel about an actress who really isn’t that talented (though she is funny as hell on Joe Dirt “I’m your sister) and an actor way out of his prime still trying to hold on, doing a direct to DVD horror movie? Well you are in for a surprise. I actually liked it.
Cruel World is about Furlong’s sanity demise after being ousted from a fake reality T.V. show that starred Pressley as the con. He confessed his love to her and she dropped him in the dirt. So he enacts his revenge by taking over the mansion he was ousted from and also taking care of Presley which I was a little disappointed in because I thought she would be in the film a little longer. So there is this group of college image hounds who are now going to be apart of the new show but what they don’t know is their host is dead. It’s kinda a fear factor meets the real world show where the contests are asked to participate in challenges to win a million bucks. Furlong has other plans for the contests though. It’s hard to comment on the acting of a movie where the actors are acting in a reality TV show, so I won’t go there. One thing I liked is Furlongs nonchalant attitude of watching the camera system and drinking wine and booze. I would have had a problem with Furlong running around and killing the characters, but they one upped me by having the chaffuer (who is Furlong’s retarted brother) commiting most of the crimes. Though there is a memorable scene with Furlong cutting the head off of one of the victims with an excaliber sword. The movie’s kill scenes are all descent with 1 boring stabbing segment, so it didn’t hurt to watching a film with a small body count. It was a lot better than expected so it may be worth giving it a chance, you just have to remember that it actors acting on a reality show go wrong so please have an open mind. 6/10